Insomniacs Rule
Sleep deprivation is a scary thing.I have always prided myself on being a quite level headed, of fairly quick wit, usually in control of me type person. Insomnia changes all that. I can walk into a room and have no idea why I am in that room. I drive to a destination and have no idea how I got there. I look all over the place for something that's sitting right in front of my face. I watch myself from the outside, and it's as if I am walking and talking as though moving through poured concrete as it slowly dries and finally brings me to a halt. I can even see other people look at me strangely when it takes me more than a normal amount of time to register what they've said to me and then have to think of a decent response, yet I can do nothing to remedy it.
I know we all do crap like that. Although it really bothers me when I stand at the sink waiting too long for the tap water to get warm, and then finally realize that I only have the cold side turned on.
I dread time to go to sleep. It's too much pressure. I am so freakin' exhausted, and I am nearly falling asleep standing up. So, I go lay down. That's when the pressure is on. It's like, here is my chance! Ok, now sleep! Then, poof. I'm wide awake. Why can't we just fall asleep where we may? In mid sentence, standing up, sitting down, in mid stride; I don't care. Oh, yeah. That's called Narcolepsy. I'd like to hire my own personal assistant though. Merely to catch me when I just fell asleep at any given point in time. That way I wouldn't have to think about it anymore.
I just prefer to sleep on the couch. That way I can trick my mind and body. I'm not really going to sleep. I'm not in bed or anything. No pressure. That way I can just doze off with the tv or something.
Did you know there are 4,321 toss and turn positions when going to sleep? Left side, left side knees up, left side legs straight, right side, right side knees up, right side legs straight, back, face to the right, face to the left, left arm up over head, right arm up over head, stomach, face to the right, face to the left.....
I practice these each night.
What's with the mind racing so fast? I can feel it. The wheels spin across from one temple to the other. Sometimes it's almost searing head pain. And this has to happen for three hours before I can fall asleep?
Why is it that I can only come up with super intelligent thoughts right after I've gone through all 4,321 toss and turn positions? Then I have to jump up and scribble them out onto something. Or I can just lay there repeating my intelligent thought over and over a hundred times convincing myself that I will remember it later. At that point the 4,321 toss and turns were all for naught, and I have to start all over again.
I know, I know. There are pills for this sort of thing.
