Disheartened
Sometimes I read through different news events on Yahoo!'s main page. Only sometimes because I have a Yahoo! email as well as my alltel one, and I go to the main page here and there and then check out the headlines.I don't like the news much.
Ever since I had my kids, I find it way too nauseating to see how horrible the world is. I like to think we are in a little invincible bubble where the sharp sword of the news can't pierce through.
This is an intro to talk about something truly disheartening. I did glancingly read a story about a little girl being molested recently, and it opened up a door down the end of a long dark corridor in my head.
My mom is very sheltering over me regarding things about her family's past and her health (an entirely different story). There are things I'd like to know as they would probably help me be on the lookout for possible issues I might develop later in life.
Anyway, she does, however, have moments in time where she unloads way too much information all at once, and I am left trying to right my turned upside-down brain.
One such lamentation was regarding our family history of the women being subjected to molestation. The entirety of her story was not something I had had a clue about before. I had already known a small bit about my cousin being raped at 9 by her mom's at-the-time boyfriend. My cousin had told me once.
I'm not sure about my great grandmother's story. I do know that they lived in completely different times back then where it was okay to beat your kids. And, I mean BEAT.
The story I know begins with my grandmother and her sister. They were left alone a lot while their parents had to work to feed the family. Well, of course back then someone delivered fresh milk in the glass bottles every day. That milkman took it upon himself to take advantage of two little girls left all alone. Of course, they couldn't tell anyone because he would kill them, right? At least that was his threat.
My biological grandfather was a !@#$, He ran around on my grandmother and mentally abused his daughters. Apparently, with my mom's older sister it was more than mental. I'm guessing this messed her up because she ended up having a kid at 14 while heavily addicted to drugs and has since been in 8 (well, that's when I stopped counting anyway) marriages--most of them being abusive relationships.
That's where it leads to one of her boyfriend's raping her daughter.
My mom hasn't actually divulged details regarding herself. And I don't pry.
She made this statement, "Each girl in four generations of my family has been molested now." This is truly disheartening, is it not?
Why? What is this cycle?
I have my daughter now, and I love her with all my heart. I pray on my life that the cycle stops with me.
